#36

Don’t you know I have feelings too? It hurts. It hurts so much. I don’t like it when I have to pretend that I’m fine with everything that is going on right now. Its hard holding on. I cannot let go of this from my chest. Its hard cause it hurts. This is  consuming me alive. Bit by bit. And it sucks even harder when I don’t have anyone that I can spill this out. No one understands me. Some tried but they just don’t understand what I’m going through or what I’m feeling. The person that I can open up with are busy. And I would not want to disturb them with this petty problems of mine. When I’m being all emotional and stuff, people will be like ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Why all of a sudden?’ Yes, they asked but when I said 'Nahh, I'm okay' 'Lol I'm fine' 'Haha, do not worry. I'm always happy' 'Happy me is always happy' Then, they stop trying and left. They don't really care, they're just.. curious. Come on, I have been like this since, since early of the holidays. And truth is, I’m not okay. Never was. I just pretend that I’m fine, I have been faking smiles and hiding aches. Have you ever felt as if you just want to die? So that all of this pain will end? So that you don’t have to face another day with a heavy heart?  I know I’m overreacting but I just cannot do this anymore. I’m not strong enough to face this alone. I know I don’t have enough strength to face this on my own. I just need someone. Someone that I can cry my heart out to. Someone that can just listen me crying. Someone to just be there. Someone that can make me feel special. Someone that can at least prove to me that I’ve all the support that I can get. Someone that can show me that this world is not really mean as it seems. Because right now, I don’t have that. I know I've Allah but it gets lonely at times. It sucks knowing that you have thousand of friends on twitter, hundreds of good friends, dozens of best friends but in reality is, you are just alone. I'm alone.